Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
