Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
