who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
