That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
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We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
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This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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