I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
this is an emotional support booty call
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
