Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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