i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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