i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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