Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
