no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
