If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
