we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
