I'm going to jail i love you
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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