Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
