i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
