I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
