Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
