Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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