Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
