don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
