i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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