Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
