There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
