All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
