rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
