we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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