Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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