He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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