Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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