In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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