I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
