my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
