my sisters under your porch take her home
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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