The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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