the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
