i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
