I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
