Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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