Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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