Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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