the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
