I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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