Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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