He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
