i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
