I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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