apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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