whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
