Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
