Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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