I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
