All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
