Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize