If i come over, it means nothing
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
