It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
