The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
