dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
