so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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