Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize