can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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