so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
