I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
