I hate your face
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize