Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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