yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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