Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
