Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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