I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
