got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
