Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
