is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
