You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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