go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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