Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so let's talk penis.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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