just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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