so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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