i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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